Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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