Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
