I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
