we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Please, let me fuck your mom
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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