Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
MIDGETS
????
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
