He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
