Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
