Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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