The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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