I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
