yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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