ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
