so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
