you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
