Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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