Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
