i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
