just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
