if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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