I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
