I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
