I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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