I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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