Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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