I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she peed on how many people?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
