just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize