He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
