I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
