Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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