five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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