I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
