but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
