I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
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I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
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Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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