Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
