I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
