Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
