Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
