I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
