there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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