The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
