i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
