Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
