we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
