Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
