why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
