i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
