You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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