Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
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SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
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I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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