Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
if only i could text you this smell
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
