I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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