I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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