This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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