I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
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Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
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Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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