god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
