Swine flu is the new snow day.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
