loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
