I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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