just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
