Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I need to sanitize my soul.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
