I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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