Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize