I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I supernannyed him into submission
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
