Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
